full_metal_angel__

Weblog

Friday, 15 February 2008

blah xanga. this sucks.

Thursday, 20 July 2006

Currently Listening
Hybrid Theory
By Linkin Park
see related

again, I feel like utter crap & Im honestly not supposed to.

I have nothing to do w. what is going on & I feel like crying my eyes out or ripping someone's eyes out.

I guess when people have there own problems, they make it seem like a big deal. as if its the worst problem in the world.

&& I have to live with guilt and pain, yet other people talk about how, lets say, not having a car in the worst thing in the world. Hopefully, that is the only thing in the world that they have to deal with.

Everything I've ever been thru or seen, has made me the kinda person I am - with a fragile trust and cold heart.

I guess I wish more people understood that I can be the goofy "angie pangie" they all know and love - but then theres Angela. the one who has a problem every now and then; who has a troubled past; who cries secrectly in school, afraid to let anyone see Im going thru something bad, just to keep my image as the "nice, lighthearted girl"

*sigh* My cousins all think of me as a crazy, fun-loving person. Im glad they still have there innocence, cause I lost mine a long time ago. No one can ever understand my problems or my past, unless they've experinced it themselves.

Yet some of my friends do know my situtations. A rare few. Since my trust is rather fragile. very, at that matter. I guess I seem moopy cause Im in a bad mood right now, but I wish life was easier, ya know. For me and the entire world around me.

Well, im not gonna end this by saying that my problem is the worst in the world, cause its not. Its bad, but not the worst. This is a problem I myself have to deal with.

"She can’t hide no matter how hard she tries
Her secret disguise behind her lies
And at night she cries away her pride
With eyes shut tight, staring at her inside
All her friends know why she can’t sleep at night
All her family asking if she’s all right
All she wants to do is get rid of this hell
But all she’s gotta do is stop kidding herself

She can only fool herself for so long
She can only fool herself"

Tuesday, 18 July 2006

Part of me won't go away
Everyday reminded how much I hate it
Weighted against the consequences
Can't lift the doubt so it's senseless
Wanna cut it out of my soul
And just live with a gaping hole
Take control of my life
And wash out all the burnt taste
I made the problems in the first place
Hang my head low cause it's part of me
You hardly see right next to the heart of me
Hurting me, the routine scar
New cuts cover where the old ones are
And I'm sick of this
I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts that grate on my sanity
I rather not even be then the man
that's staring in the mirror through me

Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me

I feel it everyday
I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me

(freedom can be frightening if you've never felt it)
Once it's been dealt with you
feel like you've been touched by something angelic
And then melted down into a pool of peace
Cease to be the animal you used to be
Remove the broken parts you know were wrong
And feel the karma when the problem's all gone
And then you start to see another piece of yourself
that you can't let be
Memories of the last fight to free yourself
Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well
And now you know you can choose
to lose the part in your heart
Where your insides bruise
You can live if you're willing to
Put a stop to just what's killing you

Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me

I feel it everyday
I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me

Alive in me, inside of me, a part of me screams away silently
This part of me won't go away, part of me won't go away

Everywhere I look around I see how everyone aught to be
Every time I see myself
there's always something wrong with me

I feel it everyday
I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
I feel it everyday
I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me

I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me

yea. im obviously feeling very crappy right now.
Currently Listening
Spice
By Spice Girls
Spice Up Your Life! [<3]
see related

blah. lack of updates

doesnt bother me much.

got a 100% on my french quiz today. ^_______________^

hehe. sry. that really made my day.

blah. find me on AIM or myspace.

Saturday, 15 July 2006

Currently Listening
Demon Days
By Gorillaz
El Manana [<3]
see related

today has been grrrrreat.

sandra came over & that was fun. Jasmine almost killed her w. her uber cuteness and love of arms. lmao.

after she left, we & my cousins ate dinner. then my father placed a bet. sayin' that if me and my cousin didnt lose weight, he would take away our comp. privlages for 2 weeks!

but if we did lose some, he would give us 100 bucks each. pretty sweet huh? ^-^

well Ima be on myspace for the rest of the day! each me on there

later!

-Ang!